.......If I could put my life into words, if I would simply say something that would describe me-the real me- it would be in the following words…
At only twenty years of age, I do not say my life has been long and hard. I am still learning and growing; however, the amounts of time I have lived have not always been the easiest. My life I have struggled with an angry beast in my life, the beast of weight. This beast is ferocious, and if allowed, this beast will take one’s life and transform it into something sad and utterly depressing; this was my life.
I have always struggled to be the girl that others found as funny or intriguing. I can count all the times, on one hand, the times in my life I felt pretty; undeniably beauty is what I struggled in finding. I was the girl people went out to eat greasy food with because I would eat till I was literally sick and not judge you for the quantity you also consumed. I was the girl people saw as “safe” because I was 75 lbs over weight so sure, of course no one would really look at me in any form of interesting way. I was the girl parents knew was safe; that somehow if Grace Oaks was there, well then we must be following all the rules.
So see that has always been my life; “Grace Oaks, the safe girl”; I am not complaining with this title, I simply just always used it as my excuse. Oh man did I ever have excuses; “I can’t I am overweight”; “I can’t eat healthy, I can’t cook”, the list goes on and on…
I found pleasure in life through cupcakes, chocolate pie, fried chicken… But see, doesn’t all of those things sound completely delicious?! I thought so, too! My problem was this—I was putting my identity in food; putting my identity in my-self image; putting my identity in me!
Don’t get me wrong, I am a confidant person. If one meets me, they will probably think of how I never meet a stranger and seem like I have my life together. But here is the secret, I didn’t. I was a scared and lonely girl who hit behind the identity of food and humor as my “crutch”. If only I could make them laugh, if only I could make them forget my weight for two seconds we can have a good time! …
I allowed this addiction to finding my identity define who I really was; but then again, who REALLY was I?... I read this book, When God Writes Your Love Story, by Eric and Leslie Ludy, and goodness did this book every change my life. Through the usage of God’s word, I began to realize I actually have a identity; it is in Jesus Christ, my Savior, my God, my friend. So why exactly was I putting my body through physical torment when, according to the Bible, I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139: 14).
I was determined to end this torment to my physical being; stop trying to put my pleasure and desires in non essential things, like food, when God is saying “Grace here I am to offer you love and peace.” Like really Grace? Really?! I decided to take control of my life; well actually I decided to let God be in control of my life, to let go of the “pen” I was using to write my life story and let the one who created me write it. Wow! It is so awesome the difference it has made!
Do I still make mistakes? Well yes; however, in those moments I do my best to learn from them and not repeat them. My life has been forever changed, and it is still changing. I made the decision to live healthy; not only physically but spiritually.
To date… in a three years time I have lost close to 100 lbs! I do not say all of this to lift my name, I say all of it to make this point; “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13. Could I have lost weight on my own? Nope! Could I have said no to worldly temptations on own? Nope again! I am where I am today due to the fact I could NOT do it alone. I have an awesome friend, and fellow workout partner, that has been with me every step of the way. Morgan Jones, you are awesome, and I am so proud of the accomplishments you have made in your life and are continuing to make. And to my personal trainer, Allie Peterson, you have changed my life! Without you pushing me and encouraging me, I would still be that overweight girl drowning my sorrows in chocolate cake!
My identity is no longer in having to be the “class clown” when I walk in a room, or having to be the girl that never turns a head. My identity is found in one source alone; the love of Jesus Christ my Savior. I am determined if I can lead my life down a healthy path so can you, all you have to do is JUS T DO IT!!!
